i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
