He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
