woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
