I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
