I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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