FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
