Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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