Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
COCAINE IS GR8
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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