i just google imaged poop.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
