mondays should just be called national damage control day
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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