Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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