I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
