I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
