i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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