then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
