How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
