just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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