I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You ruined the universe
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
