I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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