Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
