it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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