I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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