just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
whose parrot is this?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A+ Viking dick
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
