he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
