she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
