she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
