i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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