Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
