i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
