508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
