they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
