Yo dont text me then not text me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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