I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
