there's paper in my vomit.
he shaved USA in his pubs
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Green mimosas i think yes
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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