In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
