So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
