he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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