I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
