You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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