No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
PANTIES FOUND
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