Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
