I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
