Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
