Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
