I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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