Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
