I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
