honey bunches of taint.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
