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The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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