I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
