So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
