so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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