Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
