I heard we made out
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
