i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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