sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
