Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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