she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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