Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My penis needs a shock collar
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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