It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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