You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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