On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
