I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
