Screwed.edu
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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