I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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