i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
