im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
