I will die if light touches me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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