i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
