She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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