I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
