There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
